Inspiration: the elusive mistress *snort*

Inspiration:

Where can it come from?

To be honest, just about anywhere, it really depends upon your frame of mind at the time.

For instance, right now, I’m feeling pretty crappy. I’ve got a lot of decisions I need to make, none of which are fun, and am feeling a bit stuck in a place I don’t want to be stuck in. I know I have to make hard decisions that will make me feel crappy, but ultimately, will be better for me in the long run. I’ve got a headache, a tummy ache and I’m generally moody… and yet, here I am blogging about inspiration of all things!!!

Basically, inspiration can come from your hardships. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m feeling a little out of control of my life, and a little too in control of my life at the same time, if you know what I mean. I’m out of control because I can’t help but feel what I’m feeling (and I don’t like it), but I know I’m too in control because I have a decision to make that will change things… and when it’s all said and done, I will only have myself to blame if it doesn’t work out well. So here, I am, feeling like a chewed up piece of gum on a homeless guy’s shoe and yet, I’m talking about how other people can find ideas. I’m turning my bad time into, hopefully, someone else’s good time… or even an okay time would be fine with me ;)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, because I really didn’t want to blog about how crappy of a night I’m having.

How did I decide to write this blog? That’d be inspiration right? Well, first of all, I was bound and determined to get out of my bad mood. So I thought about all the things I like to do and where I’ve found a sense of peace before. I read a book and took a bath, but the book ended—too soon for my tastes—and not necessarily on a good note. So bad mood—still there. And the book really ruined my bath, although normally they calm me down. However, the bath was probably not a good option because our house was pretty hot and no one wants to take a hot bath when they are already hot. So basically, the bath idea and book idea… yeah not good for me tonight.

However, that doesn’t mean that they will forever not work for me—it just means that tonight I’ll have to work a little bit harder to get my mind off my problems.

Next I thought about giving my mom a big hug and just letting her hold me and tell me everything will be fine, and how strong of a woman I am. (Although, yeah, inside every strong woman is a daughter who sometimes just needs a hug from her mom) But when I got out of the bath, she was asleep. No big surprise really, it was after midnight. I tried to talk to my dad, but he’d fallen asleep in the chair and wasn’t much help in his groggy state.

Okay then, what next? Well I tried to journal my feelings. Normally this brings up a whole bunch of emotional shit I don’t want to deal with, but hey, I was feeling kinda desperate and maybe I needed a little emotional kick in the pants, right? So I journaled about how I was feeling, and I totally expected shit to come out sideways, or to come upon some revelation that would make me feel better. It didn’t work. I did however, journal about how being outside helps me clear my head and how normally being near water helps as well. But the bath didn’t work and it was after midnight. So where was I supposed to go? I had no idea. I figured I needed to clear my head though, so I turned off the fan in my room and listened to the crickets outside. It was real nice at first, until an insane humming noise filled my ear. Somewhere, in my room was a mosquito. Shit, it was warm enough for them to be outside as well.

I tried swatting the mosquito but it, being a cunning fellow, clearly high evolved, stayed near the ceiling where I couldn’t easily reach it.

Giving up on the mosquito, I bundled up (even though it was warm outside, I didn’t want to be eaten alive by mosquitoes) and went outside. I looked up at the sky, but the trees here are pretty big and in order to see the sky you have to look straight up. I was getting a stiff neck (to go along with my head ache, sore tummy and tired eyes) so I laid down on the cement of the driveway and just stared at the sky. It didn’t seem to help at first, but eventually the coldness of the cement seeped through my ass, which then turned numb and in turn helped to numb the upset tummy.

I took this opportunity to think about things I could do that would help me feel better. What I needed ladies and gentleman, was inspiration.

Aha! YES! Her ranting blog does have a purpose!

And the fact that I needed inspiration led me to my own inspiration. Perhaps I would write a blog about inspiration and where to find it. I quickly pushed that idea aside and figured it’d be dumb. Then I thought that I should really look at the job section in the newspaper today since I am unhappy with my current employment situation. I figured after that, I could write my goals down and perhaps have a working outline of what I need to do to achieve my goals. Yes, that sounded much more like what I needed to do. So I went inside, grabbed the job section and opened it up. Five minutes later I closed it in frustration. I was clearly over qualified and under qualified for everything. Such is the life of a person with a Bachelor’s degree in something as unpractical as Film Production.

Job seeking made me so frustrated that writing the whole goals thing flew out the window, which left me with one more idea… get my laptop back out and see if anyone is online to chat with.

Alas, there was no one and that left me with blogging about inspiration. In reality, this blog was the best thing I could’ve done for myself right now. Sure my tummy still isn’t feeling the greatest, but I’m blogging, that is something productive. It involves writing… something I need to do more of. It is in a round about way letting me sort out some of my troubles—which is always helpful. It also could help other people.

Inspiration comes from anywhere—you simply have to know where to look, look many places, don’t dismiss anything and let life take you where it may.

You can be inspired in places like me—alone and quiet. Some people like busy places or like to people watch. Some people need to meditate and take from their dreams. Some people smoke pot or take other hallucinogenic drugs. HA! (I do not recommend that)

Basically, anyone can be inspired in any place, but inspiration isn’t enough. Even if you are really inspired it takes a little work. Also, if you are just a little inspired, it takes a lot of work, but that doesn’t make the product any less than the highly inspired one. Anything worth having takes work.

Look at me, I searched high and low for a solution today and nothing worked. What finally worked, was a solution I wasn’t too happy about… blogging about something as cliché as inspiration and how to get it. But alas, it worked out for me and if you read this far, perhaps it’ll work out for you too… because getting this far in my rant shows that you are willing to put in the little extra effort to finish something. Either that or you are really bored, but I prefer to think the former.

This is me seeking inspiration today...

Conquering Self Doubt

Sometimes I just have to trust myself.

There are times when I'm feeling down on myself and that nothing I write is worth the scrap paper it's printed on.

As you can imagine, that mood doesn't help me write one bit. Those are the negative creeping thoughts that are detrimental to my writing.

When those thoughts pop up, I've realized that I need to to take a break and do something completely unrelated to writing. Then, I need to come back at a time when my thoughts are clear and reread something I've written that I haven't touched in awhile.

I did this today. I reread the last bit I wrote of book 2 of my Just Sam series. I am completely immersed in my world and have a big grin on my face. Oh how I adore Samantha and her world. I am quite amazed with myself and my writing.

I pray this doesn't come off as conceited, because it isn't meant to--part of me feels like I didn't even write the parts I read, but I love them even more than I did in the first place. I know I wrote it so maybe I'm not supposed to say how much I like it, but I truly do. I am proud of my accomplishment. I love Sam's world. I hope that I can continue to do the world justice. If my immersion into the world says anything, it says I'm on the right track.

I need to trust that I write for a reason. That all of those countless hours are not for nothing. I am a decent writer--at least of the sort of story I like to read. When doubts creep in, I need to remember days like today--days where I am in love with my characters all over again.

Re Enchant Yourself

7:35 pm Saturday evening. I'm stuck at work, but no one is currently bothering me and I hear thunder--I'm content for now. Except I as soon as I typed that, I developed a case of the hiccups. Contentment doesn't last long does it? At least not as one ages.

Now, I know 27 isn't exactly ancient, but it'd old enough to remember being young and longing for it.

Normally I am not the type of person who comes back from an inspirational training seminar all geeked up to take over the world. I listen, I say my piece, I glean what information I need and I implement it where I deem necessary. However, during this customer service training session the other day, the gentleman on the video said something that struck a chord within me. He said that we need to re enchant ourselves with life. We need to become enchanted like we were as children, when everything was new and different and wonderful.

A lot of the time I feel enchanted with life. I imagine this is what makes me a writer--to see the enchantment in the ordinary. However, sometimes I feel it makes me seem naive or immature. In the long run, seeming that way to a few people isn't a big deal, but what does that say about our society? We can't be excited by life or we come off like we have a mental illness? Only "simple" people smile all the time because they don't know any better? Or on the same hand, only disillusioned people like very religious people smile like that or have manners like that because something is wrong with them.

Why can't an ordinary person be happy, polite, see wonder in the world and still be considered intelligent? Sure there are problems in the world, but there is a lot that is right as well... sometimes you may have to look a little bit harder, but it's there.

Or this even.. to believe in something that is a little extraordinary, like ghosts or aliens--or in perpetual motion, or time travel. Don't we want people to believe in things a little out there? Isn't that how we ended up with all of current technology? Sending pictures or voices through the air and having them arrive mere seconds later thousands of miles away? Sounds like magic to me. Don't we want people to think outside of the box?

If so, then why does our society and our schools encourage disenchantment with life? Why do we encourage the status-quo? Why do we limit the creativity of our youth in order for them to fit in? Is what other people think about us so important that we limit what our futures could hold?