Totally Flaked Out...

I totally flaked on on blogging yesterday. Sorry! You see, I'm leaving for Michigan today, so I was busy doing laundry, packing, running errands etc... Busy day! I leave tonight and won't be back until Oct 3rd in the evening. I will be staying at my best friend's in the boonies, so no guarantees I'll be blogging any while I'm away. I'll see what I can do with the little time I have, I'm in the wedding, so there isn't much.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye.... Good night!

Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"We hope this clears up any confusion,The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

Rebel: the new cotton ball

We've had our new dog, Rebel, for about a week now. As I said before he is a pitbull. Here is a pic of him and our other dog, a Black and Tan Coonie giving my hubby the good love.

Upon getting Rebel, and noticing that he is a bit skittish, I did some more in depth research into the breed. I came upon some interesting information.

Most of you are probably familiar with some of the myths behind the breed, locking jaw mechanism, aggression against people etc..

Let me state this fact to begin with so everyone knows that I do actually live in reality. They are fighting dogs. I know that. They have been bred to be fighting dogs. Does that make them bad pets? No, and here's why...

Imagine, you are a lameass son of a bitch who wants to be a real loser and fight dogs, pitbulls in particular. Let's say beyond the fighting, your ancestors, many generations of lameasses, have bred pitbulls for the sole reason of fighting.

What type of dog would be ideal for you? One that has aggression toward other dogs? Yes. One that has aggression toward people? Abso-fucking-lutely not. You'd want a dog who is submissive to you, very submissive to you. You'd want a dog that could fight in the ring sure, the dog would have to be very tough, and mean, but if the dog was mean to you, you'd kill it. Plain and simple. Pitbulls over the years have had aggression toward people bred out of them.

Despite the unfortunate circumstances behind this, the outcome is pleasant for pet owners. Rebel is the sweetest, best behaved dog. He'll come over to me and lay his head on my lap while I'm on the computer typing. He'll put his front paws on me, lick my chin then lay at my feet. Sometimes he'll just follow one of us around.

Green is the color of the day

Ugh! I'm sick, it's official. My sorethroat has advanced up the corporate illness ladder. It's upgrading to green stuff. You all know what I'm talking about. I went from clear and runny to thick and green. BLAH!

Well now that I've finished Book 1 of the series... Yes that's right, book 1... That means there are more to come, yay! Now that I've finished the rough, I've been a bit aimless. Sure I could start editing but I think I need a bit of time off from this book. It needs to be fresh when I start tearing it apart.

What did I do with my spare time? I revamped my website. Pun is totally intended just so you know. Chiggity check it out... www.sandratuttle.com

Also, I made it so anyone can leave comments on my blog now, so feel free. Yes, I've given you people a free pass to criticize of me... I'm a glutton for punishment.

Glass half full

If you are in a sinking ship, is it still optimistic to think of it as half full?

Ugh I woke up with a horrible sore throat this morning. BLAH! I'm normally not a wuss when it comes to illnesses but sore throats do me in.

Could be worse though. I could be this guy...

Reasons for the happy dance

We had a great day of homeschooling yesterday. I am very excited about our new curriculum. We are using Konos: Obedience. It is a unit study approach that takes care of everything except math and grammar.

Yesterday we learned about Light. Our first week is called Authority and Light. We learned about how God is the Light of the World. We also learned about the sun, the speed of light, fire, how light bulbs work, Thomas Edison's contribution to the endeavor. We learned the myth of how Prometheus gave fire to man. We also studied Bioluminesence... all in one afternoon. Pretty crazy huh?

The boys and I had a blast. Then we ate dinner with only candle light and they explained to their dad the parts of a lightbulb and how they work. Then my oh-so-smart husband added his own information to the conversation and it was very informative.

During our candlelight dinner (oh I forgot to mention that we used wine glasses, although they were full of juice or milk haha) we discussed the times when people would only have candlelight. Later in the semester we will be doing Kings and Queens and the Middle Ages, so we discussed that. Talked about stewardship, serfs, feudal system, bards, traveling minstrels just to name a few.

I feel Konos is enriching our family already, after only two days. I really look forward to seeing what else this program brings to our family. I feel us getting closer and I know I am getting smarter, so I can only imagine what the boys are getting out of this.

Overall a very good day!

Now, on to the long lost topic of my book.

Well I'm on the last chapter, and it will be finished soon... VERY SOON. As in last night. Yup, yours truly finished her rough draft!!! Her first one ever!

I need mad props.

Let's Get Physical

I'm a little late posting today. Sorry about that. I have a feeling it may be a trend on Tuesdays however.

Yesterday was our first official day this year of homeschooling. We've been prtty lax so far but I laid down the law and we are on a schedule. Of course, it's more taxing on me than anyone else LOL.

On tuesday mornings we have Homeschool PE. It's great for the boys, they get to play with the "big kids" as the breakdown is boys 6th grade and up... there were almost 25 boys there today. They played field hockey. We got physical.

I'm a sucker...

I went to Petco to pick up more dogfood and it was, of course, SPCA adoption day. My hubby has been wanting a pitbull in addition to our Black and Tan Coonhound, Zappa (which is nuts btw just like his namesake)

Well, upon getting there, my dumbass decides to go pet this cute pitbull. It's a brindle, but it's so stripey. I've never seen one so stripey, it looks like a tiger. I took him out this morning (notice it's not even 7 am yet so it was dark) he was prowling for a good potty location. He looked like a cat dog, a tiger dog.

I don't have any pics of him yet and I can't really find a good example online but for any of you that know about brindle, he is a light brindle, but very contrasty. Very light and black.

My hubby wanted a pitbull, the dog is so sweet and cute so I ask what his name is. It's "Rebel" Okay, a sign from God to get this dog. I still did the responsible thing though and called my hubby to get his approval on the matter... and he was practically peeing his pants in excitement.

I have been saying no to getting another dog, especially a pit for awhile now... so if we weren't already married me getting this dog for him would be a sure sign of true love, as if the first words out of my mouth to him being "can I get you another beer" aren't enough.

awww *sigh* *swoon* yea yea all that other mushy stuff too

Holy Shit! Trent Reznor is hot and buff!!!!!

Trent was always hot...


But look at the new hot buff, drug free happy Mr. Reznor... *purrs*

There's finding a hair in your food, then there's finding this...

I thought it was supposed to be dog that was in Asian food?

Yes or no question... answer: blue

I was perusing my spam folder the other day and came across this email:

"I'll show you how I practically rob banks..."

Um... really, how stupid can a person get?

Personally my favorite are the ones where some random person in Africa wants me to inherit some million dollars they have taking up too much space in their bank. (Obviously not the one the guy from above practically robbed.)

Practically robbed... how can you do that? You either rob or you don't. You can practically rob a bank as much as you can practically be pregnant. You either are or you aren't. There is no sorta about it.

One other funny thing I saw in this past week... an advertisement for Chippendale Male dancers, strippers, manwhores... whatever.

They were advertising a ladies night out and below that it said...

"Purchase your package today"

Vegas got nothin' on us

Setting the scene:

Average street in an average town. Lakeland, FL

What you are doing:

Driving your children to a boyscout meeting.

Mood:

Wry

The perfect thing for you to see at such a time?

A neon revolving sign.

Why is that so perfect?

Because it is for a church. A regular sign, with a little neon part up top that revolves that says "Words in Faith"

Next perfect thing you see?

On the way home, you take a different way and you see another church, one that has been revamped. They have a new "logo." Apparently churches are hiring out advetising and marketing companies.

What is up with that?

I've read my history. I know that Christianity, Catholicism in particular has had its fair share of wanting money and marketing towards the masses but really... neon? In our backwoods town in rural Polk County Florida?

It's appalling.

Yeah You, Shook Me All Night Long...

Here is a rare video for a rare event... Aerosmith and ACDC want to be shaken all night long. And I, in Florida, was shaken for all of 30 seconds yesterday morning a little before 11 am.

Yes, here in FL we had an earthquake. Apparently it was a 6.0 on the richter scale, a fairly hefty size. It occured out in the Gulf of Mexico approximately 260 miles southwest of Tampa. It wasn't even on a fault line, excuse me, not on any "known" fault line. The earthquake is most likely from stresses formed from the tectonic plates moving within the earth's crust.

So is that supposed to make us feel better? That a 6.0 earthquake can just happen anywhere, not only on a fault line?

So now on top of flying cockroaches and hurricanes... we have earthquakes.

Cute.

Roar, Meow, Ruff and who put that there?

What is it about Tigers?

I'm not really a cat person... at all. And that's putting it lightly.

But there is something about the thought of Were-Tigers that is pretty damn sexy. Yes, more so than wolves, lions, panthers... just something about the way a tiger prowls in combination with its size.


Anyone else feel this way?

There is something more inherently sexy about cats in general... and no I'm not being all freaky with you here. Perhaps it's the purposeful way they do things. They definitely are more graceful than dogs. Graceful isn't something I'd say I'd find attractive in a male but coordinated and confident is.

Cats are just cool, or they act cool at least. A cat as a person would stumble and make it seem like they meant to do it. haha. A dog would just get up and get over it immediately.

A cat is all about appearances.

A dog is...

well just a dog.

Nagging Idiots on Rollerskates

I lost another freaking blog! I wrote one about how I can't seem to stop nagging even if I want to and then like a retard...

(yes we're talking about me here)

I pulled out the power cord instead of the headphones which is what I was going for.

I am not normally so stupid I swear!

Am I going to fret about it?

No. I'm going to make this my blog, forgot about nagging and do some escapist activity to make me forget about my idiocy.

I think today I will pick having a dance party of one. Besides, really I can't dance this silly in front of anyone so it has to be a party of one.

Song?

The Clash: Magnificent Seven

Which is totally a good song to dance like a 70's druginfested slut to. I'm just missing my roller skates.

Happy headbutting "aaaa rooo rooo rooo"

I am not a happy camper right now. So y'all better appreciate this!

At first the blogger site here wouldn't open up. Which I was hoping was a sign from God not to blog today... Then on the third try it opened... Damn!

So I decided to blog after all... ONLY to have the friggin computer freeze up and I lost what I blogged!

Gerrrraaahhhh!!!!!

That is a yell of frustration for those of you who might be confused. I have no idea if gerrrraaahhhh is a word, but it comes out when I feel the need to vent.

Yesterday morning my dog tried to show me who was the boss and who was the bitch... and um... well he didn't' think I was the boss.

What the hell!?

Apparently my son gives Zappa a Meaty Bone every morning when he takes him out... that is something I do NOT do.

Zappa wasn't too happy about this so he vacillated between barking at the box and head butting me in the stomach to get his frustration out.

I don't think he can say gerrrraaahhhh.

But human intelligence won over. I figured he'd leave me alone if I just gave him one, so I did.

NOT!

Do you really think I'd give in like that and then rationalize it to make it seem like I was smarter than a dog? You best be saying no or I will have to reconsider the nature of our relationship.

"So what did I do?" you ask.

Well I took him outside, put him on his running line and proceeded to show him who was in control by controlling his food amount and when he gets to eat it. Which really didn't work all that well since he wasn't hungry, he just wanted a Meaty Bone.

Then he proceeded to jump on me and get me all muddy.

I am confident however that I set up a pattern for good behavior (ha! I'm delusional.)

Seriously what can you do with an 80 lb puppy who is independent as all get out? And for the record "get out" is damned independent.

Really, the least he could do was have a cute bark or something. He's a Black and Tan Coohound and doesn't nearly bay as much as he should. I want to hear "aaaa rooo rooo rooo" instead I get "raaarf rraaarf raaarg aaaa oooooooo"

Hmm, maybe he could say gerrrraaahhhh.

Good Ole Ricky Bobby...

I went to see Talladega Nights with my hubby last night...

All I have to say about that is...

98% of people die sometime during their life...

It was definitely worth seeing.

I do think however that Will Ferrel would be more funny if he downplayed more things. Don't get me wrong, he's funny, but sometimes it's just too over the top. That is the nature of the SNL acting pool I guess. Too much skit comedy.

May the sideburns be with you...

On another comedic note... I came upon a duo who put videos on you tube.

www.baratsandbereta.com

I need to get me a flute solo.

Clever is as Clever does...

I wasn't sure if I was going to blog today or not, considering it's Labor day, but to hell with it, why not?

Any creative breakthroughs over the weekend? Yes. and No.

Dear ole Samantha's emotions are still being elusive...

HOWEVER...

I'm working around the stubborn mule. I decided to write the action of the scene first. I will go back and insert her emotions later. Perhaps she will be ready then. I can't blame her really. I wouldn't want to go through all I'm putting her through. It's hard for me to get in her head about this. Such horrible things are happening, neither one of us really want to deal with it.

I can't just sit around waiting for her to feel though. I figure this way, I'm getting stuff done. The next book is already plaguing my mind... this book is resolved in my head, just not on paper yet. I hope to be done with it this week.

Wish me luck!

A little preview of what is in store for Sam? Well through my research I found that a site called www.satanicrituals.com exists. I also found out that there is no exact set time limit within which one can bleed to death.

Wonder if Satan gets email?

Blah! Love and Writer’s Laryngitis

I have been frustrated lately. So much so that I was "venting" last night in preparation for my blog today... this is what I wrote...

I’m having a hard time. Sam doesn’t want to stay consistent in her actions/moods. Shes ... I don't even know what she is.

I hate writing. So much I don’t even want to write this blog. Blog blog blog might as well be blah blah blah today. BLAH!

Okay I didn’t get the book done today. BLAH!
...........

But that was yesterday... this is today.

Today I got a phone call from someone I love in a way that I love no other. They were having a hard time composing a letter to someone. There were strong emotions involved and they were trying to present their thoughts in the best way possible.

Notice I said thoughts, not feelings.

The thoughts were coming out wonderfully... very well composed, grammatically perfect... but really folks, that isn't feeling is it?

I told this person something I learned at nationals... that you can overwork your writing to the point where you lose your voice. This struck a cord with them... that was exactly what they were doing, focusing too much on what words were used, not how they were used. They were focused too much on thinking, and less on feeling.

Well I'm a thinker and a closet feeler. Unfortunately feeling doesn't come naturally, or comfortably to me. I think this may be the reason I'm having trouble lately.

Sam (who sometimes is way too much like me for her own good) isn't so hot in the feeling department either. She doesn't want to feel the horrible things happening to her anymore than I do. But I have to in order for this scene to work. It is PARAMOUNT!

I think I have lost touch with Sam' voice to a certain extent. Her voice is there, but her heart isn't in it.

So, as with all things in life, something has come full circle.

I gave some advice I should take myself. I know the person I love called for some help for them... but you inadvertently helped me too.

Thanks!