Things I learned while in Missouri

While bff's equal muse from a distance, up close and personal is another story.

My bff, CoD, is a wonderful inspiration from afar. She helps push me through rough patches in writing and is my sounding board. This is all over the internet and phone, since we live about 9 hours from one another. However, this past month I've been in her home state of Missouri visiting with her. And what have I gotten done? Barely a days work. Come to find out, hanging out with her is much more distracting and I can't get anything done. How in the world did I convince myself this would be a writing sabbatical?

Missouri is a seriously mouse having state. (How I learned that I'm not afraid of mice)

Now I grew up in a farm town in Michigan and had a field in front of the house and woods in the back... yet the extent of my rodent experience was seeing a shrew at work and not until age 27. Then enter Missouri... and it's mouse freaking central. The house I'm staying in--a nice, well kept home. And there is a mouse. It scurried across the kitchen floor and under the cabinet. I didn't flip out, just thought it was kind of cute. Few days later... saw it running through the living room--still no freaking, just generally wanted to admire its cuteness..

But next... ahhh.... here in lies the true test of my non mouse fear having self. Enter: late night, home by myself. And I have to pee. I walk down the very dark hallway into the bathroom. Un zip, and pulldown. Mid squat (yes, I do love a great visual) something dark runs past my peripheral vision. I freeze. Two weeks ago I found a giant spider in that bathroom. I am totally not getting caught with my pants literally down when trying to erase the world of that spider's life. The dark thing moves again--it is a mouse. So I finish the motion of my squat and relieve myself. I calmly watch the mouse scurry under the vanity and under the tiny gap below the door. I finish, wipe, flush, wash my hands and don't think twice.

That Dollar General has everything you will ever need:

Food? Check.
Chocolate? Check.
Twilight Candy? Double fucking check check checkity check check.
Feminine products? Check.
Brand Name Lash-lengthening mascara? Check
Twilight the boardgame for half the price of Target? Check.
Local curmudgeon to discuss local allergens and turkey feather disasters? Check.
Allergy medicine? Check.

Tattoo prices really do vary so check around if you don't have a certain artist you want.

In addition: decently priced tattoo artists will totally make you wait on them. The appointment time is merely a suggestion to them--but a commandment for you. Don't be late, but bring something to keep you entertained when you arrive on time. Be prepared to wait.

That I truly do have a soul mate out there--it just isn't a romantic one.

CoD and I are both very private people. We're antisocial even... and yet I can spend every day for a month with her and keep looking forward to more. I can read her moods--even through a text message. We are linked by the alignment of the stars, cosmic fish, tea leaves, runes, the throwing of the bones and the skinning of the cats (okay I made the last one up... at least I hope I did) Anyway yeah--we are some seriously linked mofos and neither one of us have ever had a friendship like this before. I like to think of it as fate--but maybe we are just two awesome chicks who finally got what they deserve--an even awesomer (yup I said it) chick to hang out with.

That when you take the screams of terror out of horror movies--they sound a lot like porn. (As heard through a wall)

(This also goes for a lot of video games) Knock Knock, anyone home? *heavy breathing* Hello...? *thump thump thump* *heavy breathing* *footsteps, creaky door opening* *gasp* *yet even more heavy breathing, moans, little squeals of surprise*

Video: This may be what I feel like after I leave Missouri in a few days...