I am politcally correct in every way

Except when I'm breathing...

Feeling a bit humorous in a bitchy way today... my less than appropriate sense of humor shines through... haha

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I was twitching—again. If it wasn’t the twitch they gave me, it was heart palpitations. You think I’m joking, but I’m perfectly serious. Some people annoy me to the point where I develop physical manifestations of my annoyance. It started as eye twitching, moved on to heart palpitations, and the newest one, Tourette’s Syndrome.

I got fired for that one. Not surprising really, considering it was the boss who annoyed me.

Once, I was so annoyed with a customer when I worked in retail, I couldn’t stop bashing my head against the cash register. I prayed for it to end, and the head bashing wasn’t much fun either. That was the best job I’d had too. I worked for a music store. Great benefits, but the people there were more annoying than most. Like I give a shit about the merits of a certain Kenny Loggins CD. Not to mention that people still came in looking for Vanilla Ice albums, or Hammer’s (formerly known as MC “Maxed CreditCard” Hammer) 2 Legit 2 Quit. Ha, 2 Legit 2 Quit spending money. Yes, people were stupid but I managed to last for a whole week there. I was quite impressed with my self control.

I shouldn’t be in a job where people ask my advice, because I give it to them. If they don’t like it, I get annoyed and lash out. I bet the man who wanted to know if “fries came with that” would never wear a tie again. Everyone with a brain knows that fries come with everything. His brain needed some oxygen deprivation; maybe it’d give him a jumpstart, or at least make him appreciate the air his useless body was stealing from me.

If not being able to keep isn’t bad enough, try relationships. My last boyfriend has no idea why I started carrying around a crucifix and threatening him with it. The guy gave me a hickey for Christ’s sake, what was he thinking? Like I want to walk around with some god awful reddish-purple mark on my neck. People who were born with birth marks killed themselves over marks less conspicuous than that. The crucifix was a safety measure for him. Whenever he’d get near, I’d want to stab him with an ice pick (which I couldn’t prevent myself from carrying on my person at all times) in his throat. If he couldn’t suck anymore he couldn’t create a hickey. It was self preservation really. He was quite offended but the gesture, but in reality I saved him from having to get a tracheotomy. The dude should at least be grateful he doesn’t have to have a robotic voice box for the rest of his life.

More to possibly come later!